April Fools: Student Hospitalized After Fidget Spinning Incident

By Danny Emerman (Online Editor-in-Chief).

A senior in Mr. O’Reilly’s SHS AP Government & Politics class was rushed out of school in an ambulance last Friday.

Eyewitnesses claim the victim was spinning an orange and black fidget spinner as the class watched esteemed television program The West Wing. The student asked The Talon to remain anonymous for medical reasons.

“I was sitting right behind him when it happened. Just as Rob Lowe cracked his ninth or tenth unamusing joke, we all heard [the student] cry out in pain,” junior Jess Allan said.

None of the student’s classmates saw exactly what happened, but the aftermath was a gory pool of blood on the desk.

Senior Faythe Gomolka says it was a class to remember. “I was asleep when it happened, but when I woke up, everyone was screaming and panicking. It was quite the scene,” she said.

The student was allegedly spinning his fidget between his thumb and middle finger when the toy suddenly malfunctioned and injured his hand.

“It was really gruesome,” junior Fred Bondar said. “He screamed, ‘OH GOD – THAT HURTS,’ or something to that degree. I’ll never forget it.”

Medical records reveal a serious incision in the the webbing between the thumb and index finger, clinically called the ‘thenar space.’

Shortly after the collision, the student fainted due to blood loss.

Senior Samantha Rabb says this could have killed him. “Luckily, when [the student] fainted, he didn’t fall and injure his head,” she said.

Chemistry teacher Dr. Cho says the recent craze of fidget spinners in school is uncanny and dangerous.

“I’ve never seen anything like it,” Cho said. “And now that one student has fallen victim to the toys, I hope others think twice before fidgeting in class.”

Senior Jack Lesser described the injury as a “jimbo,” a term coined by the Pardon My Take podcast and used to denote silly mistakes.

The student’s family is in good spirits after the injury and they expect a speedy, full recovery. They do not plan on pursuing any legal action against the company that produces the toys.

Addictive Fidget Spinner, the toy vendor, declined to comment.



Happy April Fool’s Day!


One thought on “April Fools: Student Hospitalized After Fidget Spinning Incident

  • April 2, 2017 at 8:37 am

    You think this is funny Danny? You think fake news is funny? This isn’t a joke. We have a serious problem with lies in our society. Have some class.


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